Help Elderly Parents Are Not Coping

When did you first think 'my parent is not coping, my parents need help'?

What first made you think? What was the tipping point? What happened in between?

There are many signs that things are not right and your elderly parents or relatives need help. Maybe simple things like mail not being opened or food being left to go off, or more serious issues such as mood swings, anxiety and bouts of depression.

A parent that once took pride in their appearance and pride in their home may start to look a bit dishevelled and a once tidy house might now be a thing of the past.

Whether we like it or not, we all grow old and the caring parent now becomes the cared for parent. Many of our parents become angry and depressed at the loss of independence, the loss of being in control, the loss of feeling like you need them. The thought of being a burden to their children is another major cause of stress and depression at this stage of their lives.

Of course the physical problems our elderly parents may now be dealing with are easier to spot, such as struggling in and out of their chair, the inability to do physical tasks they did not so long ago, or maybe difficulty with walking and balance. There are multiple indicators that should set alarm bells ringing but noticing your parent needs help can sometimes only mean the beginning of your problems.

Like alcoholics and drug addicts, admitting they have a problem and can no longer look after themselves will be met in most cases with complete denial.

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm - Henry David Thoreau

It's very hard to get your elderly parent to admit they are struggling without any level of confrontation, just as you fired back as a teenager when they were trying to advise and help you.

It would be great to hear your stories in our comments section below about your experiences of discussing with your parent(s) the need for help at home, moving in with you or moving to a care home. Their reactions, your frustrations, worries and concerns.

Other signs our elderly parents can no longer look after themselves (by no means an exhaustive list).

• Poor personal hygiene
• Lack of interest in topics or hobbies that once kept them active
• Poor concentration levels
• Bills not being paid
• Forgetting to take (or not remembering if they have taken) medication
• Forgetfulness
• Anxiety and panic attacks

When dealing with our ageing parents and relatives, remember this. When you were 30, you still felt 20, when you were 50, you still felt 30. In our minds we are being dragged kicking and screaming to old age!

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?" Satchel Paige (1906-1982)

We'd love to hear your comments. Start a discussion below.